At birth centers we support family-centered birth. That means different things to different families. Some folks invite all their people: grandmas, grandpas, sisters, uncles, aunties, brothers and friends. I remember a birth where there were 12 family members in the room ~ it didn’t seem to bother our client at all. She just labored in her own way, getting in and out of the tub, leaning on her community in various ways, giving birth amidst all that love. Most people find that privacy is important and helps them relax into the rhythm of their own labor and choose to have just the other parent and maybe their doula present. The point is that you get to choose.
For some families they want to invite an older sibling into the room for part or all of the labor. Having your older child there can be deeply meaningful (for you and for them), but there are a few heartfelt and practical things to think through about this decision.
Below are some reflections, ideas, and suggestions from what we’ve seen at our birth center, to help you decide what feels right for your family.
Prepare Your Child
People often worry that seeing their parent in pain will be traumatic for a young child. My experience as the midwife at many births with siblings present is that they may occasionally need reassurance, but they are very easily reassured and settle into the moment beautifully. Kids self-regulate quite beautifully, checking in and out as needed. One of the most important steps is preparing your child for what birth will look and feel like in a way that matches their age and personality.
- Use gentle, kid‑friendly books
We often recommend books like Welcome With Love by Jenni Overend and Mama Midwife: A Birth Adventure by Christy Tyner. These stories explain birth in a gentle, honest way, helping children know what to expect without overwhelming them. - Show them age‑appropriate videos or shows
It’s important to show videos with the sound on so they can hear as well as see what labor is like. For some kids, witnessing birth through calm, honest birth films can help normalize it so they know that their mom may make some loud noises and also that it’s normal for there to be a lot of blood. - Use simple, honest language in conversation
Explain birth in a way they can understand: talk about how a baby grows in a mama’s belly, that birth can feel loud or surprising, and that it’s okay to feel curious, excited, or nervous.
It’s important to remember: readiness isn’t just about age. Personality matters. Some children may be curious and calm. Others may feel overwhelmed. That’s okay. If they’re uninterested in being at the birth, it doesn’t make them any less ready to be an amazing big sibling.
Supporting Children in the Birthing Room
Having children present during labor and birth can be beautiful, but it also takes mindfulness. Here are some of the practical considerations:
- Bring an adult just for the child
Especially for toddlers or preschoolers (4–5 and younger), things can feel unpredictable. If they need a break or simply can’t keep to themselves, it’s often best to have another adult (grandparent, friend, or sibling‑doula) present to step in so you don’t lose your main support person or partner. - Prepare for a long journey
Labor might be short or might go on for hours and through the night. Bring quiet toys, books, coloring supplies, snacks, and maybe a familiar blanket or stuffed animal to help your child feel safe. The waiting room at our birth center has lots of toys that kids can play with. - Know: children can offer comfort, but also influence labor
A calm, supportive older sibling can be a beautiful source of comfort. But sometimes having a child present can shift the energy, bring distraction, or even stall the flow of labor. You may not know what you want until you’re in labor.
At Bellingham birth center, the choice is always yours. We want you to know what to expect, so you can choose with intentionality.
Photo Credit for all photos in this blog: Hanna Hill Photography
Ways Kids Can Be Involved
When a child feels ready and excited, having them involved can make birth a family memory for life. Here are some of the creative ways I’ve seen families include siblings with love and purpose:
- Give them a special role to play— whether it’s cutting the cord, bringing their mom water during labor, holding a fresh towel, or making a ‘Welcome Baby’ sign to hang in the birth suite or waiting room. Simple tasks can help them feel included and proud to be part of the moment.
- Being in the room — For laboring in water or gentle transitions after birth, some siblings have even joined the tub or held the baby for a first cuddle.
- Witnessing the birth and/or helping to catch the baby— With support from the midwife and a calm atmosphere, some children have been present, watching their sibling arrive and even been the hands that helped lift them up to their mom’s tummy right after they are born.
These moments often become the stories families tell for years to come.
Every Family is Different
Not every child is ready. Not every family wants to include siblings in the birth room. And that’s perfectly okay. What matters most is that you make space for honest conversations with your partner, with your child, and with your midwife. Ask yourself:
- Does my child understand what’s coming?
- Are they emotionally ready, curious or shaded with fear and uncertainty?
- Do we have support (another adult, backup plan, quiet space) in case things shift?
- Are we ready to honor what’s best for everyone, including ourselves?
If you’d like to talk through your child’s readiness or want ideas about preparing them, please reach out. We love helping families find the path that feels right and safe for them.
